I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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