Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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