is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
