u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Green mimosas i think yes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
