She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
