Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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