I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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