He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
