So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
