So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
