dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize