I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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