he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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