which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
