gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
