literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
