I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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