Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
