weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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