i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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