@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
