He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
