Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
