he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
