U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
