If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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