In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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