I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
