And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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