i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
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