Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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