and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
