but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
