I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
