trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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