Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
