my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Enjoy the penises
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
