Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
