I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
