Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
