you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
