Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
