I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
