Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no you cant smoke seaweed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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