Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
