The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
