I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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