I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
