So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
