he was CRYING into my vagina
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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