I showed him my bush... on skype.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
