I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
