mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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