Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
