Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
