I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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