my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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