you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
