so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
