remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
