Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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