plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
