I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
