I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
