Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
