she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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