yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
