i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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