I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
