My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it's great music for shaving your balls
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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