I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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