That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
