just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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