wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Randomize
