Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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